Well friends, yesterday was a momentous day. I said goodbye to the wisdom of my youth and finally had my wisdom teeth extracted.
I must admit that going into yesterday’s procedure, I felt uneasy. I wasn’t worried about the surgery itself, nor was I concerned about the pain. I wasn’t even concerned about the recovery time or the discomfort of being in my chipmunk cheek era. What caused me the most angst was the single fact of needing general anesthesia.
Now don’t get me wrong. Did I want to be awake for the whole ordeal? Absolutely not. And I know that for some, they might not see what the big deal was. But for me, the thought of being put under for the procedure was deeply unsettling. I understood logically all the reasons why there was no need to fear. I knew I would be in the hands of a very capable medical staff and that they do this all the time and that the chances of something going sideways is almost nonexistent. But all the logic and reason in the world were no comfort to me against the deeply seeded angst I felt inside.
In the days leading up to my surgery, I tried to identify what precisely I was afraid of. In doing so, I realized that one of my greatest fears was relinquishing control over my faculties. If I no longer had control over my own mind and body, who would be there to make sure I’m okay?
It is in the midst of these fears and this questioning, that I felt the Lord ask me a simple question: “Do you trust Me?”
And isn’t that always the question He asks us?
How easy it is to say that we trust the Lord when everything is in our control and going well – when the path is straight and our way is sure. But it is a whole different ball game when we are not in control – when the terrain of life is rocky and the way forward is unsure.
Yet it is often during these times of uncertainty, fear and doubt, when we learn to trust the Lord and our faith in Him is deepened and refined. I am reminded of the book of James which opens with these words:
Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
(James 1:1-4, NIV)
Will I choose to have joy in the midst of this test and trust that God will somehow use it to produce in me a renewed perseverance, maturity, and completion that I couldn’t have otherwise? Will I allow Him to do His good work in me through this, no matter what the outcome is?
And that’s the kicker, isn’t it? No matter what the outcome is. God does not promise us a life free from pain and suffering. In fact, this journey of faith is often one of pain and hardships, trials and tribulations. This beautiful world God has created has been broken and ravaged by sin and the devastating departure from His good way. But what God does promise is that He will be with us through it all.
As I prepared for my surgery, I was comforted by the words of Psalm 139:
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence? If I go up to the heavens, You are there; if I make my bed in the depths, You are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there Your hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.”
(Psalm 139: 7-16, NIV)
Do we believe that God is who He says He is? Do we believe that no matter where we go He is with us? Do we trust that our very life, breath and being is sustained by the One who gave us these gifts in the first place – by the One who knit us together, made us fearfully and wonderfully, and created us in the secret place?
In the midst of my fears, I needed to cling to Him who was, is and will always always be with me. Even in the deepest darkness, He would be with me. And even if the worst case scenario were to happen – yes, even then – He would be with me.
The truth is that He is the one who holds my life together – not me – and I can entrust myself to Him. Fixing my gaze upon Him and allowing His words to wash over my heart and mind set me free from the fear I had been holding on to for far too long. I could lie down on the operating table in peace, knowing that my good, good Father was by my side. And as I woke up, the first thought on my mind was simply “Thank You, Lord” because He had proven Himself to be faithful and saw me through to the other side.
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord Himself, is the Rock eternal.
(Isaiah 26:3-4, NIV)
May we be a people – chipmunk cheeks and all – who continually choose to trust the Lord, filled with His perfect peace and keeping our minds steadfastly fixed upon our good, good Father, the Rock eternal.
This Darling Adventure 